I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
