I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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