An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
