oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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