So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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