im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
