My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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