Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
whose parrot is this?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
