I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
