mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
