When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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