I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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