Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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