i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
