my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
