dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
