saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
