I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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