You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
