I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
