idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
