Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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