Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
