I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
