he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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