I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
