Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
