This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize