I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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