captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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