So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
