The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
