My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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