Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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