airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
