you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will be naked everywhere
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
