Duck Duck Cougar?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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