An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She bit a glass in half.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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