Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
