idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
