In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize