where am i from again
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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