shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
