Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
