I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
