i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm always down for nudity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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