you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
