I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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