I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
