If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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