i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
