dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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