My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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