just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
