Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
