just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
