My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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