Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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