We're facebook friends in real life
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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