Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
