Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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