Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
