just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
