u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
